Sometimes, I don't understand people's motives...

I mean, this isn't coming from someone who has never been abused, neglected, or hurt consistently in an emotional, mental and physical manner.

This is coming from someone who was abused by an immediate family member at a very young age and is ambidextrous because I was born left handed, which was considered a sin because The Devil was also left handed. This is coming from someone who was abused by an adult that looked over me in a day care I went to during the time I was being abused constantly by my family member I just mentioned. This is coming from someone who took on constant crap by people she dated and devoted time to. This is coming from someone who's been suffering from Mental Illness since I was born and was the main target of bullying in elementary school and, when I say I was bullied, I mean I was bullied very badly. 

Yet, I don't find a reason to devote so much of my time on those people. Granted, it took a while to accept what happened to me, especially from my own grandmother. I never got the closure I wanted and believe I deserved, even during her dying days. I managed to forgive, but not forget. Thankfully, it was before she died. I actually had the opportunity to prove that I was standing up and being more of an adult than her. It took me over a year to tell her I loved her, for the final time. She did something unforgivable not to me, but to her own husband in which she abused, as well. I caught her in the act, and she got caught because of me. So, basically: even though that happened, I visited her in the hospital on her birthday and brought her a chocolate milkshake. I told her I loved her for the final time and, a few days later, she died. It was odd that only her and I knew she was going to die. No one else in the family was expecting it. I thought that was rather interesting that it was me, the youngest, that knew out of everyone else.

I managed to forgive her, even though I sometimes think of those harsh times. I managed to forgive everyone else that hurt me tremendously, too. 

I'd prefer spending my energy and time on positive aspects; helping other people is the main reason why I get out of bed, in the morning. 

I'm human...I have my moments when I just explode and blackout. But, I don't actually devote my time to plotting against someone.

Is it that important to do so?