Nine-Tails

It isn’t my alter ego, or another personality.
The monster inside me escapes, when I black out.
This black out is what you’d describe as a “snap” when my last nerve finally gets plucked. After that, I am almost uncontrollable; I am almost unstoppable.
The first symptoms to look for lies within my speech; everything I say is completely unorganized. My talking is constant, repetitive and impaired, just as my thoughts always are. My voice becomes louder and louder, as the blackout continues.
The second symptoms begin with adrenaline that rushes through my body, mainly into my head. It makes my blood vessels pulsate uncontrollably. My head becomes hot and my body becomes numb. That’s when I get very, very impulsive.
I, then, find ways to hurt those who struck me: mentally, verbally and, sometimes, physically.
I drool while I’m blacked out, sometimes; but, I won’t actually feel it running down my face until the blackout is finally over.
Many people have tried to stop me. Usually, that doesn’t end well for them, at all. They become entangled in my web of complicated mischief just to wind up hurt, too.
If anyone was to punch me, kick me, scratch me, cut me, stab me, or manage to do anything else that could potentially injure me, none of it would stop me. It would be the same story, if I was to somehow hurt myself in any way, too. My body would be too numb to feel any of it and my head would be too hot to either notice, or care. During the time the monster has taken over me, I will not feel a thing.
When the blackout is over, the monster is caged, again. I won’t be able to remember what happened. There is no recollection of words I said, or the actions I portrayed. All that’s left is the drool on my face, the wounds I collected begin to hurt, and a numb, heated dizziness haunts me as if it’s the after effect of the monstrous spell. If the blackout lasts long enough, a nap is usually required.
Over the years of dealing with this inner demon, I’ve been through therapy and I’ve been put on numerous types of medication. I’ve picked up on how to deal with this monster and I’ve learned how to cage it, so I can live a pretty happy life.
To this day, I still prefer flying solo. Though I have a lot of people I cherish and spend time with, I make sure I keep my distance. I don’t become too dependent on bondage; that way, I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone I love. That includes my own parents, or even the person I'm currently dating.
I live to help others. I love seeing them smile sincerely and I will do anything to ensure happiness to just about anyone. I get out of bed for that purpose, alone. The last intention I have is to hurt someone, which is why I prefer to be alone. I know that it's better that way; I know I won't hurt anyone the way I have, in the past.
I keep in mind that, even though I’ve become much better at controlling my temper and concealing what I’ve nicknamed “The Nine-Tailed Fox,” I know that, deep down, it’s still living inside of me. It’ll remain inside of me as long as my spirit lives on.
Even though it is almost impossible to bring out the fox: if you somehow manage to piss me off, enough…and you somehow manage to strike me to where I actually do black out…
The Nine-Tailed Fox will come out, again.